Question Types
(Adopted from Esther Perel)
Detective Questions vs. Investigative Questions
Detective questions are those questions that focus on factual details and information that may feed painful comparisons and obsessions/ruinations rather than help you understand, make meaning, and make choices. They are DETAIL FOCUSED.
Investigative questions are a preferred alternative, and where we want to arrive. These questions probe the meaning and motives behind the action. They help you to understand and to locate yourself, your partner, and your relationship in the context of the action. They are MEANING and EMOTION FOCUSED.
Examples of investigative questions:
What did the action mean to you?
What were you hoping/looking for when this action occurred?
What is something that feels sensitive to talk about now?
Did you discover new parts of yourself or recover lost/distant parts as a result or influence of this action?
Do you think you could show your (friend, spouse, partner, family, etc.) those newly discovered parts?
Are there parts of you that you want to bring into your relationship(s)?
Why do you think you could not express your needs to your friend/spouse/partner/family - emotional, intellectual, or physical?
How are you negotiating boundaries at this moment? And reacting to the boundaries of others?
Did you ever worry that your/the action would impact your relationship(s)?
What was it like for you to engage and/or witness the action?
Did you see your/the action as a sign of something missing?
Do you think your/the action was a symptom of something else?
What do you think are the strong parts of your relationship(s)?
What is it about us (us being any applicable relationship) that you value most?
What are some things we can do together to make our relationship stronger?
What do you wish you could say?
Can you understand my anger and hurt? (you would ask this to your partner, and/or they may ask you this)
While these are always questions you can ask or reflect on yourself, they are also meant to increase your understanding of your relationship. This is best done in conversation with the person who is part of this relationship. These questions can be used with any loved ones and/or relationships (platonic and non-platonic) who you may be working through a conflict with.
Client Hours:
Monday - Thursday: 9am - 3pm
Friday: Administration and Consultation only
Saturday: Closed
Sunday: Closed
Contact:
Email: Hello@RelationshipsWithMonica.com
Phone: (248) 982-0589
Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapy for Women in Michigan & Vermont
Offering EcoTherapy and Nature Therapy
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