DEARMAN

DEARMAN is a communication skill designed to facilitate assertiveness and effective interpersonal interactions.

• D: Describe the situation objectively, without interpretation or judgment.

• E: Express your emotions or feelings using "I" statements, ensuring honesty and directness.

• A: Assert your needs, wants, or boundaries confidently and clearly.

• R: Reinforce your position by highlighting the positive outcomes or benefits of meeting your needs.

• M: Maintain mindfulness and focus on your communication goals.

• A: Appear confident through body language, tone of voice, and demeanor.

• N: Negotiate when necessary, seeking mutually beneficial solutions or compromises.

• D: Describe the situation 

  • Example: "I've noticed that we haven't been spending as much quality time together recently, and I miss our connection."

• E: Express your emotions or feelings

  • Example: "I feel lonely and disconnected when we don't prioritize our time together. It's important to me to feel close to you and maintain our bond."

• A: Assert yourself

  • Example: "I would like us to make more effort to spend quality time together, whether it's going for walks, having date nights, or simply talking and enjoying each other's company."

• R: Reinforce

  • Example: "By prioritizing our relationship and investing time and energy into nurturing our connection, we can strengthen our bond and create lasting memories together."

• M: Mindful

  • Example: "I want to approach this conversation with sensitivity and understanding, recognizing that we both have busy schedules and competing priorities."

• A: Appear confident

  • Example: Use a calm and gentle tone of voice, maintain open body language, and express genuine care and concern for the relationship.

• N: Negotiate

  • Example: "Perhaps we can schedule regular date nights or set aside specific times during the week to spend quality time together. I'm open to hearing your ideas and finding a solution that works for both of us."

Using DEARMAN above allows the couple to address their concerns with open and respectful commincation. This allows them to work together to prioritize their connection and strengthen their bond without criticism or judgment.

• D: Describe the situation

  • Example: "During our team meetings, I've noticed that you often interrupt me when I'm speaking."

• E: Express your emotions or feelings

  • Example: "I feel frustrated and disrespected when I'm interrupted because I believe it undermines my contributions to the discussion."

• A: Assert yourself

  • Example: "I would appreciate it if you could allow me to finish speaking before providing your input."

• R: Reinforce

  • Example: "By giving each person a chance to speak without interruption, we can ensure that all viewpoints are heard, leading to more productive discussions and better outcomes for our team."

• M: Mindful

  • Example: "I want to ensure that our communication remains respectful and focused on finding solutions."

• A: Appear confident

  • Example: Maintain eye contact, use a calm and assertive tone of voice, and stand or sit in an upright and confident posture.

• N: Negotiate

  • Example: "If there are urgent points you'd like to add, we can set aside time at the end of the meeting for additional input, or we can schedule a separate discussion to address your concerns."

In this example, using the DEARMAN skill, the individual can directly communicates their needs while maintaining respect and mindfulness in the interaction.